-must not have a better fro than I
-male or female, i'm not picky ;)
-underaged or legal, again, i'm not picky
-must know how to make homemade soft pretzels
-must know who the superpals are, by name
-be able to deal with stress. i.e: chopek crying, scotty playing his bagpipes, chaves screaming like a girl and John molesting fans. All at once.
-must be able to deal with a cow. and not grill him
-bonus points if you know how to polish a bass
-must be at my beckon call 24/7. If I want lovin' at 3am, then you must be willing.
If you feel you can accomplish those goals, call John's cellphone and leave a 10 minute long message on why Dela is so much better than him. He enjoys that, really.
I've got the magic stick,